Monday, September 20, 2010

Elle Wiesel Transcript: The Perils of Indifference

Joe Ehrmann was with us this weekend. As always, he challenges the way the mind does business and the soul believes. He pushes for inclusion that is driven off the neccesity of greater relationships and a cause that is bigger than your own agenda. Yea, challenging.

Near the end of his presentation, he introduced a speech that was listed on the Top 100 Speeches In History. Elle Wiesel, a holocaust survivor who believed that the moment the world learned that people were being imprisoned for their ethnicity, humanity would come to the rescue. Wiesle later wrote, a pain even greater than captivity, was to, upon being freed, learn that the World knew of their captivity and indifference did nothing. Apathy was the greatest enemy of love, not hate.

Below is the transcript of his speech given at the White House, April 12, 1999.
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THE PERILS OF INDIFFERENCE
By Elle Wiesel
April 12, 1999
White House

Mr. President, Mrs. Clinton, members of Congress, Ambassador Holbrooke, Excellencies, friends: Fifty-four years ago to the day, a young Jewish boy from a small town in the Carpathian Mountains woke up, not far from Goethe's beloved Weimar, in a place of eternal infamy called Buchenwald. He was finally free, but there was no joy in his heart. He thought there never would be again.

Liberated a day earlier by American soldiers, he remembers their rage at what they saw. And even if he lives to be a very old man, he will always be grateful to them for that rage, and also for their compassion. Though he did not understand their language, their eyes told him what he needed to know -- that they, too, would remember, and bear witness.

And now, I stand before you, Mr. President -- Commander-in-Chief of the army that freed me, and tens of thousands of others -- and I am filled with a profound and abiding gratitude to the American people.

Gratitude is a word that I cherish. Gratitude is what defines the humanity of the human being. And I am grateful to you, Hillary -- or Mrs. Clinton -- for what you said, and for what you are doing for children in the world, for the homeless, for the victims of injustice, the victims of destiny and society. And I thank all of you for being here.

We are on the threshold of a new century, a new millennium. What will the legacy of this vanishing century be? How will it be remembered in the new millennium? Surely it will be judged, and judged severely, in both moral and metaphysical terms. These failures have cast a dark shadow over humanity: two World Wars, countless civil wars, the senseless chain of assassinations -- Gandhi, the Kennedys, Martin Luther King, Sadat, Rabin -- bloodbaths in Cambodia and Nigeria, India and Pakistan, Ireland and Rwanda, Eritrea and Ethiopia, Sarajevo and Kosovo; the inhumanity in the gulag and the tragedy of Hiroshima. And, on a different level, of course, Auschwitz and Treblinka. So much violence, so much indifference.

What is indifference? Etymologically, the word means "no difference." A strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between light and darkness, dusk and dawn, crime and punishment, cruelty and compassion, good and evil.

What are its courses and inescapable consequences? Is it a philosophy? Is there a philosophy of indifference conceivable? Can one possibly view indifference as a virtue? Is it necessary at times to practice it simply to keep one's sanity, live normally, enjoy a fine meal and a glass of wine, as the world around us experiences harrowing upheavals?

Of course, indifference can be tempting -- more than that, seductive. It is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, our hopes. It is, after all, awkward, troublesome, to be involved in another person's pain and despair. Yet, for the person who is indifferent, his or her neighbor are of no consequence. And, therefore, their lives are meaningless. Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the other to an abstraction.

Over there, behind the black gates of Auschwitz, the most tragic of all prisoners were the "Muselmanner," as they were called. Wrapped in their torn blankets, they would sit or lie on the ground, staring vacantly into space, unaware of who or where they were, strangers to their surroundings. They no longer felt pain, hunger, thirst. They feared nothing. They felt nothing. They were dead and did not know it.

Rooted in our tradition, some of us felt that to be abandoned by humanity then was not the ultimate. We felt that to be abandoned by God was worse than to be punished by Him. Better an unjust God than an indifferent one. For us to be ignored by God was a harsher punishment than to be a victim of His anger. Man can live far from God -- not outside God. God is wherever we are. Even in suffering? Even in suffering.

In a way, to be indifferent to that suffering is what makes the human being inhuman. Indifference, after all, is more dangerous than anger and hatred. Anger can at times be creative. One writes a great poem, a great symphony, one does something special for the sake of humanity because one is angry at the injustice that one witnesses. But indifference is never creative. Even hatred at times may elicit a response. You fight it. You denounce it. You disarm it. Indifference elicits no response. Indifference is not a response.

Indifference is not a beginning, it is an end. And, therefore, indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor -- never his victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten. The political prisoner in his cell, the hungry children, the homeless refugees -- not to respond to their plight, not to relieve their solitude by offering them a spark of hope is to exile them from human memory. And in denying their humanity we betray our own.

Indifference, then, is not only a sin, it is a punishment. And this is one of the most important lessons of this outgoing century's wide-ranging experiments in good and evil.

In the place that I come from, society was composed of three simple categories: the killers, the victims, and the bystanders. During the darkest of times, inside the ghettoes and death camps -- and I'm glad that Mrs. Clinton mentioned that we are now commemorating that event, that period, that we are now in the Days of Remembrance -- but then, we felt abandoned, forgotten. All of us did.

And our only miserable consolation was that we believed that Auschwitz and Treblinka were closely guarded secrets; that the leaders of the free world did not know what was going on behind those black gates and barbed wire; that they had no knowledge of the war against the Jews that Hitler's armies and their accomplices waged as part of the war against the Allies.

If they knew, we thought, surely those leaders would have moved heaven and earth to intervene. They would have spoken out with great outrage and conviction. They would have bombed the railways leading to Birkenau, just the railways, just once.

And now we knew, we learned, we discovered that the Pentagon knew, the State Department knew. And the illustrious occupant of the White House then, who was a great leader -- and I say it with some anguish and pain, because, today is exactly 54 years marking his death -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt died on April the 12th, 1945, so he is very much present to me and to us.

No doubt, he was a great leader. He mobilized the American people and the world, going into battle, bringing hundreds and thousands of valiant and brave soldiers in America to fight fascism, to fight dictatorship, to fight Hitler. And so many of the young people fell in battle. And, nevertheless, his image in Jewish history -- I must say it -- his image in Jewish history is flawed.

The depressing tale of the St. Louis is a case in point. Sixty years ago, its human cargo -- maybe 1,000 Jews -- was turned back to Nazi Germany. And that happened after the Kristallnacht, after the first state sponsored pogrom, with hundreds of Jewish shops destroyed, synagogues burned, thousands of people put in concentration camps. And that ship, which was already on the shores of the United States, was sent back.

I don't understand. Roosevelt was a good man, with a heart. He understood those who needed help. Why didn't he allow these refugees to disembark? A thousand people -- in America, a great country, the greatest democracy, the most generous of all new nations in modern history. What happened? I don't understand. Why the indifference, on the highest level, to the suffering of the victims?

But then, there were human beings who were sensitive to our tragedy. Those non-Jews, those Christians, that we called the "Righteous Gentiles," whose selfless acts of heroism saved the honor of their faith. Why were they so few? Why was there a greater effort to save SS murderers after the war than to save their victims during the war?

Why did some of America's largest corporations continue to do business with Hitler's Germany until 1942? It has been suggested, and it was documented, that the Wehrmacht could not have conducted its invasion of France without oil obtained from American sources. How is one to explain their indifference?

And yet, my friends, good things have also happened in this traumatic century: the defeat of Nazism, the collapse of communism, the rebirth of Israel on its ancestral soil, the demise of apartheid, Israel's peace treaty with Egypt, the peace accord in Ireland. And let us remember the meeting, filled with drama and emotion, between Rabin and Arafat that you, Mr. President, convened in this very place. I was here and I will never forget it.

And then, of course, the joint decision of the United States and NATO to intervene in Kosovo and save those victims, those refugees, those who were uprooted by a man whom I believe that because of his crimes, should be charged with crimes against humanity. But this time, the world was not silent. This time, we do respond. This time, we intervene.

Does it mean that we have learned from the past? Does it mean that society has changed? Has the human being become less indifferent and more human? Have we really learned from our experiences? Are we less insensitive to the plight of victims of ethnic cleansing and other forms of injustices in places near and far? Is today's justified intervention in Kosovo, led by you, Mr. President, a lasting warning that never again will the deportation, the terrorization of children and their parents be allowed anywhere in the world? Will it discourage other dictators in other lands to do the same?

What about the children? Oh, we see them on television, we read about them in the papers, and we do so with a broken heart. Their fate is always the most tragic, inevitably. When adults wage war, children perish. We see their faces, their eyes. Do we hear their pleas? Do we feel their pain, their agony? Every minute one of them dies of disease, violence, famine. Some of them -- so many of them -- could be saved.

And so, once again, I think of the young Jewish boy from the Carpathian Mountains. He has accompanied the old man I have become throughout these years of quest and struggle. And together we walk towards the new millennium, carried by profound fear and extraordinary hope.

Elie Wiesel - April 12, 1999

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


PART 2: “This is Auburn Dam Overlook Medic calling Dispatch: I need an ambulance at ADO. Runner # 17 is down; just revived from being briefly passed out and low blood pressure. I need an ambulance now! Mr. Harper, can you hear me?”
-Recounted by Lynette Harper who got to Jason first and summonsed the Medic

The first person who met me after getting clipped at 7:20 PM was the Auburn Dam Overlook Medic. Someone must had told him, “There is a guy who looks like he is dying…lol”

“Mr. Harper, do you know where you are?” I thought dude, I just got my A*#* handed to me by the Rio Del Lago 100 Miler; I am at mile 44 and I just missed the cut off by 20 min. Trying to hold back the explicit words bouncing around my head, I simply and kindly said, “Of course I know where I am.”

At the beginning of every Ultra, Medics check your weight and heart rate. They also check your blood pressure. Prior to the race mine was 134/80. Sitting down having just gotten clipped for missing the time frame, ADO Medic took my blood pressure to compare to my starting pressure. Not so bad, 120/76. I was slightly dizzy and had anything been left in me, the nausea would have continued. Only minutes before emerging from the canyon, I had hurled everything up.

Growing up my dad always said, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Knowing what the right thing to do in the middle of an endurance run is not my strong point. But reflecting today have replayed the fast and out of control downward spiral. Hindsight vision is 20/20. Looking back, what would have happened had I arrived 20+ minutes earlier, cleared the Check Point and headed back down Cardiac Hill?

Once the chip had been pulled and the Medic had finished his initial once over, the phone rang. On the other end was Jimmy Dean Freeman. A partner of purpose, Jimmy and I see the world the same, “the fastest way out is to finish.” His calm demeanor was asking if I thought I could get to Rattlesnake Bar in 150 minutes. Essentially, run 15 minute miles sounded easy but down Cardiac Hill and a through a series of grinder hills, it didn’t seem feasible given the fact that everything was unsettled in my gut and my vision was blurred.

With a long pause and feeling like I was letting down Jimmy, my running buddy, Michelle and The Crew, The Pacers, I said, “they cut my chip.” Jimmy was bummed for me. He knows I like to fight. Standing within earshot, the Medic said, “You have no option. You have no timing chip. You are here until you are ready to go home.”

Within seconds of hanging up from Jimmy, I said to my wife, “I am nauseous.” Remembering the details was merky. She pieced it together for me on the drive home.

After I hung up the phone with Jimmy, I said to her, “Something is not right.” Lynette said as my face went white, I continued to talk, speaking in complete gibberish. Simultaneously, I rambled incoherently and fell forward. More of a rolling motion from the seated position, Lynette quickly grabbed my falling body and I landed face up. Everything went black for me. Oddly, my eyelids were half open with my pupils pinned. Lynette and Erika, Pacer #1, were on each side of me. Both of them held my head off the ground. Lynette said she was yelling at me, “Jason, Jason can you hear me.” When I didn’t respond, she shifted to the Medic.



“Get the Medic, Get the Medic, he is not OK.” When I awakened, Lynette was looking at my eyes that eerily had stayed slightly opened and rolled back into my head.

“This is Auburn Dam Overlook Medic calling Dispatch: I need an ambulance at ADO. Runner # 17 is down; just revived from being briefly passed out and low blood pressure. I need an ambulance now! Mr Harper, can you hear me?”
-Recounted by Lynette Harper during the 12-16 seconds unconsciousness

When we arrived, he informed us Ambulance and the EMT’s were in route.

As I laid there, the word ambulance and hospital seemed like overkill. I am fine and I should be running 15’s to Rattlesnake. Let me go home. In all my life, I have never been carted off in an ambulance for any reason. But now seeing how dangerous severe dehydration can be, I’m a little paused. I am able to sit here and read the medical report from the Emergency Room.

In route to the hospital my Blood Pressure was 100/64; Low. My O2 Saturation level was 80. This means my blood only has 80% oxygen in the blood. Not good. Halfway to the hospital, I felt a pretty good turn. One hundred ML of IV had dripped in. Within a few minutes the new O2 reading was low 90’s. Getting wheeled into the ER was sketchy.

They did a full blood plate and urine analysis revealed that there was considerable muscle deterioration. Normal kidney secretion output is 1. Mine were in the high 2’s. Dialysis is called for at 5. The remedy is hydration. Nearly 500 ml of salt water through IV can change everything.

The doctor gave me a choice. Stay the night for continued observation or go home.
Near midnight, I was headed home, exhausted, and left to mull over two lasting thoughts.

1. My friends were still running and I was not.
Even though my run was over, Stan who I had started my day running with and was shooting for the same 24 hour goal was still getting it done. Greg Bomhoff was seeking to defend his title (he broke his former winning time by more than an hour an won!), Ray Sanchez, Kenny McKee, and Gordy Ainsleigh were all still running and I was out. They were doing incredible and I still shared in the sweet taste of their success.
Life Lesson: Celebrate Others Regardless of Your Outcome!

2. What if I had headed out, down Cardiac Hill, and then passed out…
The fact that Cardiac is so steep, it would have been dark and the Medic’s Quad Runner could not have gotten to me. This would have been horrible. Add to it, Erika would have been without a cell, in the dark, deciding to leave me unconscious or take off back up Cardiac to get help.
Life Lesson: My Personal Pursuit Should Not Create High Risk Events For Others.

3. Sometimes, “discretion of others is better than personal valor.”
In life, go full tilt. But don’t be stupid. Honoring the Cut-Off Time, may have saved my life. It will take a while to wade through both thoughts.
Life Lesson: My dad was right, “Discretion is the better part of valor.”

4. Failure is not final.
Like playing two-square on the play ground, sometimes you got to demand a ‘do-over.’
Life Lesson: Assess. Adjust. Attack.

For those connected to Be Change |
Stan, Ray, and Ken: Thanks for representing Be Change so strong. Josh, your next!
Gordy, your subtle smile as you passed me at the top of Cardiac was one of the best moments of the day for me.

Greg, Wow! Honored to run in your circles and on your trails.. The best is yet to come for you and Go the Distance. Thank you for reaching my way last year.

To the Pacers: Stay in queue. I’m calling on you for the next one.

To the Crew: Thank you for being there. You got to see the highs and LOWS and you loved me through it.

Rhonda P: I didn’t have the words to explain the why, but you captured the essences of WHAT! Thank you for being with us.

Today, I reflect and I am sure to see the fog fade. Simply writing about it soothes my soul. In the mean time, Be the Change in the world you want to see.

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Follow the workings of Be Change by following on twitter.com/bechange and facebook.com/bechange

Monday, September 13, 2010

Failure Is Not Final: Rio Rewind

Before the sun rose, a few us gathered inside Cavitt Middle School's crammed gym. Having Ray Sanchez fresh off his Europe 135 win in Germany was a treat. Add to it our good friends Jimmy Dean and Kate Freeman, Mary Kososki were on hand to crew for Stan Kososki. Loads of friends made for lots of early AM laughs. As we huddled outside, Ken McKee was poised to run his first 100 and we were honored to run with Be Change. With all the Good Vibe Mojo, surely it would be the best day ever

Failing to finish is not the final entry in the ledger. Failure is not final, but instead, its a time to reassess, adjust and line up at the start again. Remember being in elementary school? I used to play two-square. When I was put out, I hollered, “DO OVER!”

Some things never change. Some things are worth chasing.

I don't like falling short of a given and stated goal. At times, there are outside forces that impale a goal. They gut it. In that moment, it doesn’t matter how hard one is willing to push, sometimes other circumstance decide when it’s over.

Over the course of any Ultra Race, pain is a given. You embrace it and know “that things will never keep getting worse.” As phonetically flawed as that former statement is, it remains true. When running far your mind has to be focused on the fact that at some point the low will pass. Amidst the valleys of emotional lows and physical canyons, there are glimmers of hope. Even a streak or a splinter of relief, the mind has to believe things get better; even when better lasts only 2 or 3 steps. Sometimes it’s those steps that matter most.

Less than a year ago, I emerged from six months in a boot cast that mended a broken tibia. Broken nearly 2/3 of the way to the bone, recovery was tedious and slow. When it came off in October, I set an internal goal that I shared with only a few people. I wanted to get back to 100 mile distance within a year of the cast coming off. Here is where it gets sticky. My body failed and I don’t do well with meltdown. I hate coming up short. I despise missing the mark. It eats at me like a cancer and becomes the internal fire the consumes me. I will not allow a trail run to be the guerilla on my back for the next year.

Not even close.

Instead, I must take the internal assessments to figure out what went wrong and if human error was involved, how can I avoid it next time? If it was not human error, what circumstances can I mitigate to avoid this again? What jacks me up is that I had never experienced theses ailments before. I have run in blistering heat (Extra Mile 100 in topping 108 degrees in 29 hours). Pacing at Badwater was brutal. Saturday didn’t seem super hot. But the wheels came off the wagon early.

By mile 17/18, I had such horrendous cramping that I was reduced to a power walk and with an occasional light jogs. It started before Cardiac Hill which only made the mind battle worse. Gordon Ainsleigh was near me for the entire hill and I wanted to emerge with him from the canyon. By the crest, I fell for the first time. Come over a knoll with a slight down hill, my left leg completely paralyzed. Seized with cramping from my hip to my toes, I landed straight legged. Jamming my hip, I over compensated and tumbled. After a brief roll, I laid thinking, I am in the battle. I arrived at mile 20ish at the Auburn Dam Overlook 12 min behind schedule. Still on pace to break 24 hours, forward was the only option.

I dropped into the canyon and crossed over No Hands Bridge. It took nearly an hour to cover the four miles. This horrible pace brought to the surface my second issues, time.

Falling back even further on time, I headed up K2. I had told a lady who dropped out at the top or Cardiac that K2 was worse. I was simply stating the obvious. Brutally steep and completely exposed to the sun, K2 was the first time I felt the day’s heat. Again, I had felt worse. I noticed I was not sweating. Arriving at Cool Fire Station, Michelle and the team were on it. Focused and faithful they had everything laid out. Jimmy Dean Freeman (JDF) was crewing his brother-in-law and had stuck around to check on me. As I was coming into the Cool Station, Stan was too. He had already done the seven mile Olmsted Loop of rolling hills. They offered me everything they could. Jimmy looked at me and said two profound things:

1) “Jason, it may not be an electrolyte issue.”
He was right. I had a balanced electrolyte issue at that point but severely dehydrated and unable to get more water/Heed mixture into me. If I were to guess based on my weight at the hospital, I would guess I was down 5-6% at this point.

2) “Keep fighting and know, if embraced, “pain is part of the process.”
I have always run with that mind set. To push and throttle to see where the brink and edge is at is a life time struggle of min. To pull out had not crossed my mind. Maybe that is delusional insanity. To me, the race places two contingencies for runners. The first is the medic. They can assess and determine best direction. Second, the clock. If I get pulled because I miss a deadline cut-off and I have gone as hard as physically possible, then its over. But to pull out, just because…I am not sure how that one sits with me. If I signed up for the pain and the punishment, I don’t blush from it when it arrives to greet me.

As I headed out to conquer Olmsted, JDF’s words rolled in my head and I came to a conclusion that I had two massive problems.

PROBLEM #1
The problem was throttle management. If I moved to hard or set a pace that was to fast, my quads and calves seized. I seized. The solution was to down shift my pace that at least allowed me to keep moving forward.

PROBLEM #2
When the pace was slightly above a power walk, I was now racing against cut-off times. The race was slipping through my fingers and throttling faster was not an option. A guerilla sat perched on my shoulder and I was forced to fight to make each time cut-off and the next aid station.

(A Timed-Cut Off is a mercy rule. Essentially, when you hit the first timed-cut off, it is kind and compassionate way for the Race Director to say "if it has taking you this long to get to this check point, the chances of you finishing under the official cut off is nearly impossible.” The Cut-Off is a safety mechanism to protect runners who are stubborn plodders.)

Because of seized muscles that caused a crippling affect, all the team, crew, and runner can do is seek the source and address it on a checklist. Jimmy Dean Freeman was masterful at this. In patient and kind words, yet with the intensity of Marine Drill Instructor, he methodically worked together with Michelle and her crew to cover every possible cause. Once potassium, sodium, calcium, magnesium, and overall electrolyte intake had been covered and checked, the only option is to keep moving forward...one step and then one step.

With sniper’s focus, I consumed 22-28oz per hour. More would have caused bloating and more. Slush Gut sucks. I was not taking water only but a 2:1 Ratio of Pedialite. At other times, I HEED and Hammer Gel, while throwing down 4-6 Endurolytes.

Long story short, I hit the 44 M Aid Station Check Point having just made the climb back to Auburn. Things were bad. Severe nausea and a second tumble, I emerged out of the canyon looking like a beaten and bruised soldier. From No Hands back up to Auburn Dam Overlook took an additional 1:20 minutes. Frequent pauses after steep bursts of climbing, I tried to remedy the cramping legs. As I crested, I saw my two kids standing there jumping up and down as if I had just won the race. To them it wasn’t about anything other than, “that’s my daddy.”

Siah spoke first as my daughter looked on with her analytical assessments. “Daddy don’t quit. Harper’s NEVER quit.” His 9-year-old emphasis on ‘NEVER’ brought long restrained tears to my eyes. All I could say was, “I am sorry I didn’t do better.”
Both walking on each side of me, just held my hands the last 100 feet to the check-in.

I had missed the Cut-Off by 20 minutes. It was 7:20 PM.

PART 2: “This is Auburn Dam Overlook Medic calling Dispatch: I need an ambulance at ADO. Runner # 17 is down; just revived from being briefly passed out and low blood pressure. I need an ambulance now! Mr. Harper, can you hear me?”
-Recounted by Lynette Harper who got to Jason first and summonsed the Medic